Esme's Worst Nightmare
by El Leon Y La Oveja
Summary: We all know how Bella felt during the months that Edward left her. We can guess how Edward was feeling. But what about the rest of the Cullens? This is Esme's story, set during the blackest period of her son's life. Incomplete but concluded.
1. Waiting

Esme's Worst Nightmare

The house was oddly silent. Carlisle was at work, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were out hunting and Alice had mysteriously vanished after a strange vision. I was alone in the house, listening to a classical piece on the radio and trying desperately not to think of my lost son.

Edward. If crying was possible, I would have been in floods of tears. I missed him more than I could have ever guessed. You never fully appreciate what you have until you no longer have it. That was exactly how I felt about Edward. I felt guilty for living with him for so many decades and never loving him enough. The last seven months had shown me how dead our family was without him; without that spark of life. Carlisle was right; Edward had something special about him, something good, something pure and he induced happiness in all of us without even trying. The family was incomplete when Edward wasn't here. We still watched our thoughts, an old habit, we still called his name in our heads and shared with him our private jokes. But Edward wasn't around to hear, to understand, to respond, to laugh with us, to joke with his brothers, to be a part of his family. I missed my son more and more with every devastating day that passed and I prayed for nothing else at night but to have him back.

Upon reflection, I had hardly heard from Edward. That wasn't, of course, something that I'd only just become aware of but it had only just dawned on me that Edward might not come back. One day, would all my children leave home? Emmett and Rosalie had their moments and often went away alone for a few years. Would that, could that ever become a permanent arrangement? Jasper was the least tied to this family and if he had the motives to leave, I was sure that he would consider it. I didn't think that Alice was likely to leave me but her life was strongly guided by her visions. If she saw something that urged her to keep her distance from us, would she? What would I do if all my children abandoned me? Abandoned was unfair, I scolded myself. Most of my 'children' were in fact adults in their own right and were at perfect liberty to venture into the world alone if they so wished. Jasper especially had been a vampire longer than I and I had no right or claim to restrain him, to keep him at home. My children could leave if they wanted to. A mother would never prevent the growth of her offspring. Even if they left, never to return to her.

That was my worst fear. When I worried, when Carlisle asked me what was wrong, in the back of my mind, one thing was always there. The fear that my family would leave me. Despite being vampires, I held it close to my heart that eternity did not always mean eternity. I had promised to love Carlisle for eternity and to that, I would always remain faithful. I would love each and every one of my children for the rest of forever but that did not necessarily mean that they would love me, or that I would see them every day. What-ifs tugged at my heartstrings and frightened me. I did not have the strength to lose my family. They were my most treasured possession. Everything that I held in my heart. None of our riches, none of my houses, none of my personal belongings could ever replace the love that I had for Carlisle, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Even Bella had started to work her way into my heart. I could imagine her at Edward's side forever, a daughter, a sister, a wife. She fit into the picture perfectly as if she'd been created solely for our family. I certainly couldn't imagine anyone more suited for Edward.

Except that was all over now. Edward had made his choice, a choice that killed me inside but still a choice that I understood. I loved him even more for it. And hated him for it. Not because I would miss Bella, even though I would, not because I would long to return to Forks, which I did, but because Edward's decision meant that I would never see him happy again. And for that, I hated what he'd done. Even though I knew why. I had always known that he was strong enough to survive with Bella and keep her alive along with their blossoming relationship but I had my doubts about one thing, another of my greatest worries. After all that had passed between them, could Edward survive without Bella? Eternity was a long time to spend in regret and depression. Edward was suffering more than anyone had ever suffered. I had never seen another human or vampire, mortal or immortal living with such great pain in my existence. It caused me more agony than the loss of my first child, my human child. Because when Edward lost Bella, I lost Edward. I lost my first son and I knew, deep in my heart, that he would never smile again. Edward would not be the same person that he had been before Bella and he would certainly never experience that level of love and adoration again. To watch him suffering tore my heart out. For the first few weeks after we'd left Forks, Edward did stay with us. Every moment of those days murdered and tortured me. Edward would sit upstairs, his face in his hands, refusing to talk to anyone, not allowing anyone to see him, to speak to him. He blocked our thoughts best he could and he went into seclusion. Edward was in a place where I could not reach him. I was utterly useless. So we let him go. He could not stand being around us, could not bear to live with a family who held so many reminders of happier days. He left us seven long, hard months ago and nothing has been the same for me since.

It may sound as if I doted upon my first son over all of my other children but I never consciously loved Edward anymore than the others. It may sound then, slightly contradictory to say that I could not have been as hurt if any of my remaining family walked away. Nothing could ever hurt me as much as the loss of my Edward. With the possible exception of losing Carlisle, the absence of any other presence in my life could not result in this much agony and misery. When my Edward left home, it was the worst that I had ever felt, in my decades of life, both human and vampire. I was helpless; there was not a thing that I could have done to comfort him. I could not take my son in my arms and soothe him as he cried. His grief was wordless, expressionless, absent of everything. Edward was empty, he was alone, his face was permanently wreathed in sorrow, so much anguish that it ripped me apart. I hated him for causing my son so much distress and I loved him more than ever for being the one in pain.

Edward visited occasionally over the months. His condition only grew worse with each meeting. Every time that I saw him, I wondered how he could seem any more despondent and depressed than his previous visit yet somehow, he did. Always. Carlisle and I worried more than anyone but there were fears and heartaches that I couldn't even share with Carlisle. Not even with my soulmate. To say them out loud would have caused me far too much sadness. The most terrifying of which was that Edward would never recover. In my heart, I knew that he never would.

I had asked him, about a week after we had left Forks, on one of the rare occasions that he had left his room.

"Edward?" I had called him out loud, in the fear that he was not listening to my frantic thoughts. The atmosphere in the house was horrible for those few weeks. It was a new home, no one felt comfortable, nobody wanted to talk or laugh or joke or hunt...we were the living dead. Jasper's talents couldn't even cut the tension, would not affect the morose mood that had settled. Edward never responded to what he may or may not have heard in his mind so I had no idea if he was even listening anymore.

Edward had not replied to me verbally but had lifted his head slightly. It obviously took a great effort and I did appreciate it. His eyes were the sight that caused my heart to crumble. Jet black, agony stretching all the way to his soul. They were so deep and usually full of initiative, interest, emotion, life. But no, Edward's eyes were endless, the view into a deep grave, bottomless misery to last forever. It was at that point that the last hope left me. Without Bella, he would never regain life and he was so determined never to return to her. At his movement, I moved to sit beside him on the brand new leather sofa, Emmett's request. The black did nothing for me; there was too much dark in our home at present to want anything else colourless. Bright yellow, although difficult to match, would have been my choice. I welcomed the introduction of light, of any light.

"Edward," I asked him, this time in my head. He nodded, very slowly, his eyes closing. I took his hand in both of mine.

"I so hate seeing you like this." I whispered, out loud but only just.

"Is there nothing anyone can do?" I mused silently. If there was anything that I could do, I would have done anything. Edward shook his head, again slowly. A human might have missed the motion, it was so slight. The truth of his answer sent daggers spearing into my chest.

"Will he go back? Ever?" I wondered. It was only meant to be for myself but Edward heard and thought that the question was meant for him. My entire being sank into despair when my son opened his mouth to answer me. Just the fact that he spoke the reply was evidence enough of his certainty.

"No."

Edward's voice was blank and dead. It had not been used since we had left Forks and despite his tone, all of his agony and suffering was portrayed in that one word. Had I been able to burst into tears, I would have been unable to restrain my emotions. As it was, Edward's head bowed down once more and his entire form began to shake. In desperation, I pulled my son into my arms as he was overcome by his desolation. I stayed in that position all night while Edward broke down, unable to regain any kind of composure. When our family tentatively crept in, over twelve hours later, none of them had the strength to stay, besides Carlisle who sat down the other side of Edward and like me, tried in vain to comfort our son.

The present brought me back with a jolt as the phone rang out. I answered immediately, praying that it would be one of my family in particular. I had grown used to the disappointment over the last seven months so when I heard Alice's voice, my heart hardly sank at all. Still, it sank enough.

"Alice?" My voice was worried, I could hear it. "Where are you, darling?" There was a lot of noise at Alice's end of the phone.

"I'm safe. Everyone is. That's all I can say." Alice sounded oddly distant, as if she were occupied. Not her too, I moaned in my head. Please don't take another of my babies away...

"Alice, what happened? I've been so anxious." Understatement of the century. Being alone and scared for your loved ones does awful things to your thoughts. Alice paused before answering carefully.

"I'm sorry Esme. I had a vision- but it's not at all what I thought. Just do me one favour, please?"

"Of course, dear." Was it just my mind running wild again or did Alice sound slightly anxious herself.

"If...Edward calls, for any reason, tell him that I'm hunting. If he needs to talk to me, tell him to call me on my mobile." There was an increasing desperation in her tone. I listened very carefully and flinched at the mention of Edward's name.

"Is there any specific reason that he might telephone, Alice?" I was burning for a reply. Any contact from Edward would have thawed my frozen heart, very slightly. It had been nothing, for three months. His visits were growing further apart and I dreaded the day that they ceased entirely.

"None at all." Alice told me, breezily. "Just something that I saw. You know how he can be." Alice trailed off, as if she'd said too much. I jumped on her last words.

"How he can be? Alice, what…?" She cut in over me.

"I've got to go, Esme. I'll explain everything later. Bye!"

"Alice, wait!" I screamed down the phone, in a complete panic. I couldn't let another of my family slip away. Not now.

"Esme, I swear, everything is fine. I was just a little confused. I'll be home soon. I love you."

"Alice!" I cried out. "If Edward phones…"

The line had cut off. I left the phone deliberately close to the sofa and settled into the cushions again, ignoring the television and its background chatter. Alice had left me, unintentionally I was sure, in a worse state than I had previously been. Was Edward really going to phone home? Had he started to heal? I began to hope, much more than was sensible. It was highly unlikely that my lost son would ever ring again. Not after all that had happened. Carlisle and I were the only ones who saw him now. Even then, the conversation was limited and mostly one-way. He didn't have the energy to respond.

I let my eyes drift over to the piano in the corner, covered in dust. Since Edward's departure, no one had played it, as if it were a relic, an antique monument to the one that we had lost. I recalled, although I had tried to forget, the last time that anyone had played that instrument.

The night before Bella's birthday. Edward sat at the piano with Alice, composing sections of new music, editing old pieces and most memorably of all, recording a CD for Bella's birthday present. Edward ran through all her favourites, all of his most beautiful compositions and Alice recorded them on her laptop, a twinkle in their eyes as they anticipated and imagined the fuss that Bella would make over her gifts. On the sofa, I laughed along with them. That was the last night that I saw that sparkle in Edward's eyes. The final piece that Edward played was the lullaby that he had composed for Bella. When Alice had finished recording, he closed the piano lid and gone out to the garage, still happy, full of joy.

Since that last replaying of the lullaby, the piano had not been opened.

Sharp and shrill, the phone rang out. I pounced upon it, in a way that I had never even leapt whilst hunting, to answer before the first ring had even died out.

"Hello?" I breathed, praying, praying, praying…

"Esme?"


	2. Breaking

For the first time in my life, I was sad to hear Carlisle's voice.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked.

"Oh Carlisle…" I choked down the line. I was so close to breaking point. The last months had taken their toll on me.

"Esme, my love, what's wrong?" His tone was calm and soothing as ever but I couldn't hold it together.

"I'm fine." I tried to lie, not wanting to worry him. "It will pass." I heard a car door slam at his end of the phone.

"I'm on my way home." Carlisle replied. Even in my distress, that was one of the things that I loved most about him. He did not insist that he should come home, he just did it. "What's happened?" There was a pause. "Is it Edward?" I gasped back my sudden wave of panic.

"I don't know, Carlisle." I told him, frantically. "Alice said...said he...he might…" I was unable to get the words out.

"Where is everyone else?" Carlisle asked me. I tried to pull myself together.

"Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are hunting. They took Rose's BMW. She said that they'd be back sometime this afternoon. I don't think they've gone far."

"And Alice?" Carlisle questioned. "Did she see anything?"

The choking fear overcame me again. I couldn't breathe. That was not a problem except I couldn't speak either. I heard the car engine speeding up and then slowing. I attempted not to think about any of my worries but they would not clear my head. Even the sound of Carlisle's key in the front door did not calm me down. Where was Jasper when I needed him? Although, I admitted to myself, he probably wouldn't have made much difference for long. When Carlisle came in, I was clutching a sofa cushion, crying tearlessly. He took me in his arms straight away and hugged me against his body. For a few moments, the panic didn't ease but as Carlisle stroked my hair gently and patted my back, my fears did subside slightly.

"I'm sorry." I croaked, as soon as I could speak again. "I shouldn't be worrying everyone like this. No one else goes to pieces everyday." At the sight of the piano over Carlisle's shoulder, I almost lost control again but averted my eyes quickly. Don't lose it, Esme, I warned myself. Carlisle shook his head at my words.

"You cannot help your feelings," he told me. "You love Edward." Somehow, it hurt less when Carlisle said his name than when Alice did. I put that down to his radiating tranquility and constant compassion.

"So does everyone else." I reminded him. I was being unbelievably selfish by reacting so dramatically. Perhaps I was going completely over the edge. Carlisle did not need additional talents to read my mind.

"You are not being selfish, Esme," he assured me, gazing into my eyes. "We all have our own ways of coping."

"But Emmett and Alice don't worry about him constantly. They don't overreact like I do. You love him yet you can still go to work and act normally. It's only me who waits by the phone all day, only me who would be suffocating on my tears if only I could die…"

"Esme," Carlisle started, in a serious tone. He gave me a look, one that I hadn't seen for decades. Since my rebirth…

"I'm so sorry." I placed my hands on his face. "I'm being so stupid." He shook his head with a finality that ended my apology.

"Never apologise for your feelings." Carlisle was right. I was so glad that I had him to keep me sane. "Now, would you like to tell me what happened?"

I took a deep breath and began.

" This morning,Alice and I were at home and the others had gone hunting. Rosalie phoned Alice and said that they'd be back this afternoon. Suddenly, Alice jumped up and said that she had to go out. I asked her what was wrong but she was vague. It was like...like she was trying to act calm but there was something seriously wrong…" I broke off for a moment. Carlisle was still gazing at me but he was deep in thought.

"Did she say where she was going?" I shook my head.

"She took your Mercedes because it had a full tank but she...she took her passport too. When I questioned her, she shrugged it off and told me that it was just in case she wanted to go somewhere else. I was confused and couldn't understand anything that she was muttering to herself. About an hour ago, she phoned and told me that everything was fine. I panicked, of course and asked her what was happening. Then, Alice gave me instructions on what to do if Edward phoned and asked to speak to her. Why would he phone today, I wondered? But Alice was so mysterious about it. Perhaps she'd seen something and he'd heard her…?"

Carlisle was silent for a long while, lost in thought, still stroking my hair absent-mindedly. Finally, he spoke.

"I can't come up with an obvious conclusion as to what's going on but I'm sure that nothing is seriously wrong. Alice would have said something." He studied my face a little more closely then smiled slightly.

"Esme, when was the last time you hunted?" I thought back. I couldn't honestly remember. It was sometimes hard to notice a ringing phone when hunting. I hadn't wanted to miss any calls.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, trying to think of an excuse. "It wasn't that long ago." Carlisle smiled again.

"I don't think that your eyes would agree with that, somehow," he joked, gazing pointedly into my black pupils. "We'll go hunting when the others get back. We won't miss any phone calls." Carlisle always knew what I was thinking. Always.

"Alright," I agreed. "We won't go far, will we? I need to grill Alice the second she gets home." I half-smiled. Carlisle's golden eyes softened.

"There's the first smile I've seen on your face for months," he noted. I grew serious again.

"Carlisle, do you think he'll ever recover?" I asked, unsure of whether I wanted to hear the answer or not. Carlisle knew who I was asking about. Even if he hadn't, it would have been obvious. The vampire in question was one that occupied most of my thoughts, most of the time.

"I honestly cannot say. I've seen vampires recover from such circumstances before. Time is a great healer."

"It doesn't always work that way…" I had been trying not to think of Carlisle's old friend Marcus, of the Volturi, who had never regained his former happiness after the death of his partner. As Carlisle's eyes met mine, I saw that we were thinking of the same thing.

"All cases are unique." Carlisle reminded me. "Everyone will react differently to certain situations."

"But you know Edward…" I forced myself to speak his name aloud. Carlisle nodded and sighed.

"I have never seen him in a fraction of the agony that he suffers now. Edward is strong but he can control himself best when he has something worth fighting for. In time, I hope that he will discover something to help him though this."

"And I hope that you are right." I told Carlisle as I lifted my head to kiss him.

The sounds of the car pulling up outside did much to brighten my mood further. Emmett's playful laugh echoed throughout the empty house. Three of my children had returned. A few of my more irrational fears vanished.

"...can't believe you ruined another shirt, Emmett." I heard Rosalie complain. "You get through more clothes than Alice and I!" Carlisle and I laughed as Emmett strode through the lounge in a tattered white shirt.

"Emmett, I'm always telling you, put a spare shirt in the back of the car." I tried to say to him. Emmett just snorted and continued upstairs. Honestly, if he was anymore relaxed and easy-going…

"Is Alice back yet?" Jasper asked. Carlisle and I both turned to face him.

"No. Did she tell you anything?" Carlisle replied. Jasper shook his head.

"Just a text message saying that she was going out somewhere. I haven't heard anything else." I exchanged a worried glance with Carlisle. He put an arm around my shoulders.

"Don't worry," he instructed me. I immediately felt Jasper's calm attempting to banish my fears. I did my best to give in to the feeling. "We're going hunting." Carlisle told Jasper. "Rose, I want you to answer the phone if anyone rings."

"Are we expecting a call?" Rosalie questioned.

"Just something Alice hinted at." Carlisle replied, not letting them know that there was anything going on. "Esme and I will both have phones with us." Rosalie nodded.

"Okay. Answer phone, keep Emmett out of trouble." That second one was standard. "Anything else?" I nodded.

"If Alice calls, tell her that I need to speak to her." Rosalie's attention was diverted from the mirror on the back of the door and she span around to face us.

"Is she in trouble?" Rosalie gloated, looking very smug. "That's a first." Carlisle shook his head.

"Shall we?" I took Carlisle's hand and we both started running. As Jasper's calm was left behind, my worries, rational and irrational, all surfaced. I focussed only on Carlisle beside me. Relax, Esme, I repeated in my head. Esme, stay calm...


	3. Waking Nightmare

Sitting in Tanya's lounge, I felt strangely at ease. The atmosphere was completely different than it had been earlier that day. Despite the unfamiliarity of the setting, of the furniture, of the dark red walls, I was calmer and more relaxed. Mostly, I presumed due to Jasper's gift. His presence beside me was certainly a relief. That and Carlisle's hand in mine.

If I was honest, I didn't usually feel as comfortable in Tanya's home but we made a point of visiting as much as possible. Rosalie had practically taken up permanent residence there since Edward's departure seven months ago. We lived much closer now and it was almost rude not to drop by whenever we were in the area. Jasper had phoned us while we were hunting and invited us to Tanya's for a few days. I was reluctant as Alice still hadn't returned but Jasper assured me that she would know where we'd gone.

The calm was slowly slipping away, however; I could my anxieties floating to the front of my mind. Rosalie was acting quite mysteriously, for some reason. We'd arrived at Tanya's, only to find Jasper alone in the house. He had been whispering into the phone but neither Carlisle nor I had been able to hear any of what he was saying. Apparently Rosalie and Emmett had something that they needed to do. It was all very strange.

So the three of us were in Tanya's lounge, on the red velvet sofas that could not have been further from my usual taste in furnishings and Jasper's calm was attempting to beat out my fears. For a while, it succeeded but Jasper's attention was clearly beginning to waver as my panicking began once more. Irrational, I told myself, firmly. Nothing is wrong, Esme.

The phone rang out and Jasper almost jumped. That shocked me, made me question his behaviour. If only Edward were around, to tell us Jasper's thoughts, to explain what was wrong. That thought brought me a new and very unwelcome revelation. Perhaps my children had discovered something about Edward that I had not yet heard…

Jasper's voice, so unnaturally stiff, as if he were hiding something, almost like he was forcing his tone to sound calm and relaxed, suddenly sounded. Although I possessed no supernatural talent like many of my family, I still had my senses. I knew when there was something wrong. Glancing at Carlisle, I saw his face tight in concentration. He too, had noticed that something was not quite right. We'd returned from hunting to a still, tense atmosphere, even though Jasper was alone in the house. Tanya and her sisters had gone out for the evening with some friends of theirs to do what they usually did with human males. I had watched Rosalie listening to their wicked stories with a little too much enthusiasm.

"No, she said to come home," Jasper's tone was urgent, frustrated. "You can't expect him to…" He scowled as the reply crackled through the receiver. He was walking too far over the other side of the long room for me to hear the reply clearly, although it sounded as if there were an argument taking place. Edward? Could he be on the other line? My breathing began to race.

"If he sees you, what do you think he'll do? Don't do it, Emmett." My hopes were shattered when I realised that he was not speaking to my lost son. The reply was short before Jasper cut over him. The conversation was starting to worry me.

"Alice saw it. It won't work."

More furious crackling.

"Yes, we all know how much you hate to miss out on a fight. I'm surprised that Rose hasn't dragged you back." What did Jasper mean? My head was spinning dangerously. Could vampires faint? I clutched Carlisle's arm in pure panic. The conversation was not merely worrying me now, it was petrifying me. Fighting? Who? I was praying with my eyes shut tightly that my precious Emmett was not in danger, that none of them were.

"Thank you, Emmett." Jasper sounded, if possible even more tense and unnaturally blank as he spoke. Then, a pause. But the silence spoke a thousand words. Jasper glanced quickly at Carlisle and I, tensed on the sofa and his head snapped back, a millisecond later. It was enough. He must have felt the fear surface in me.

"I'll have to tell them, Em. See you in a bit."

Very slowly, Jasper placed the phone back on the coffee table and turned to face us. His expression was unreadable. I wondered for a split second if he was trying to torture me, because it was certainly working. As skilled as Jasper was at handling difficult situations, he seemed to be unsure as to where to start. Carlisle was the first person to speak.

"Jasper...what's going on?" His voice held that authoritative edge that demanded to be told the truth. I respected him so much. Still, there was a hidden fear behind Carlisle's words. What was so dangerous or devastating that even our children would hide it from us? Jasper was testing the mood, I could feel him trying to calm and relax me. It did not work in the slightest. Having the knowledge and experience of Jasper's talent was exactly what I needed to evade it, if only subconsciously.

"I'm not sure where to begin," Jasper admitted. "I suppose it started this morning, when Alice had a vision." I did not interrupt to ask any of the million questions that had consumed my mind. "Alice saw Bella, jumping from a cliff and she rushed to Forks, even though she was afraid that she'd be too late." Both Carlisle and I gaped in shock, gasping at the news. Jasper brushed his hair back and gazed at us both. "Alice phoned and told Rosalie, Emmett and I. We didn't stop her from going but only Emmett agreed with her choice. We weren't meant to interfere in Forks anymore, remember?" A sad smile played on his lips.

What happened next only proved Carlisle's strength and intelligence. Before I had even processed most of the information, he had jumped to his feet and was staring at Jasper with wild, pleading eyes.

"You didn't...tell…?" He broke off, unable to finish. Never had I seen him so far from his careful calm, his tranquility before. It was as if the entire family's pain from the last seven months was resting upon his voice. Jasper sighed and looked at Carlisle, very apologetically. I couldn't make sense of what anyone was saying. Nothing was sinking in. I was completely dazed. Carlisle shook his head slowly. Jasper merely stared at him.

"It was Rose." Jasper whispered. "She kept on calling. Thought he had the right to know. I still don't know whether that was the best decision or not."

Suddenly, everything clicked. Alice had seen Bella jump from a cliff, just like I had. Bella had jumped to her death. Rosalie had, for some reason unknown to me, told someone. The only person who would be so badly affected by her death. The only person who I was pining to see. Edward.

"Oh, no…" I choked, through my tearless shakes. My breathing caught, spluttered. I gasped and clutched at the sofa arm for support. My entire body was ripping apart. What would Edward do? The news would have killed him if he were human. My Edward would be even more distraught than he had been all this time. I was sure that he would never regain any form of happiness, ever again. Carlisle's expression scared me more than anything that I'd heard all day. I could always rely on him to keep in control, to take charge of the situation. Now, his eyes were filled with agony and fears, far deeper than my own. He had realised something else, something worse. But what?

Carlisle moved slowly towards Jasper. Both looked like statues, they were so rigid and frightened. Even Jasper. Even Carlisle. They never had weaknesses. Ever…

"What did Edward do when he heard?" Carlisle whispered, the fears torturing his mind. I wanted to cry for him but I couldn't even get the tears out for my own son. The ridiculous shaking, gasping panic would have to suffice. Jasper stood motionless. I could see that he knew the answer to Carlisle's question but he couldn't tell us. Carlisle knew the worst possible reply that Jasper could give. I, in all my shock, distress and agony, knew that what Jasper would tell us was going to be the worst possible outcome. How could it be anything else, the way he was falling to pieces? The way that Carlisle was crumbling in front of me.

"Jasper, what did he do?" Jasper, still, could not find the words. Carlisle gripped Jasper's shoulders, gently but desperately, his gold eyes flashing with fear. Then, Carlisle spoke the words that I will never forget, for the rest of my existence. My absent heart sank even before Jasper had confirmed their validity.

"Has...Edward gone...to...Italy?"

Very apologetically, sorrowfully and slowly, Jasper nodded once. My body and mind froze.

Carlisle let out a agonised moan and sank to his knees.

But I didn't wake up.


	4. Blackout

_Thanks for all the great reviews!! I love reading them! This is chapter 4- hope you enjoy it and remember, keep reviewing! XX (And thanks to Kari Twilight Mist for the 1917/18 correction! X)_

_El Leon Y La Oveja_

_P.S. If the Romeo and Juliet quote is slightly off, sorry! My copy of the play is elsewhere ATM so I had to do the lines from memory. Send the correction please if they need it!! X_

I was frozen in shock, despair and guilt for a period of time. Exactly how long, I had no idea. I wasn't able to register anything that was going on around me and Jasper's furious waves of calm were not penetrating my distress in the slightest. I could have been alone, or sitting in a room filled with thousands of people. It made no difference to me because the one person whose company I most desired was unlikely ever to put in an appearance again. The thought burnt at my mind and I shook my head, cursing myself for being so obtuse, so unaware. I had not been thinking of this outcome; I hadn't realised that Edward had reached such a low point. What an irresponsible mother, a pathetic excuse for the woman who professed to love him, who claimed that she cared for her son. How could I have failed Edward any more devastatingly? He was worthy of a far better mother than I and now, all thanks to my obliviousness, he would not live to receive the love that he so deserved. If tears were possible, I would surely have filled a bottomless pit with my misery.

Carlisle, in all our panic and despondency, was, as usual, the only one who managed to regain some kind of control. He moved to sit beside me on the sofa but I hardly noticed his presence and for the first time in my existence, his touch did nothing to soothe me. It was only when I saw his worried expression, worry for me, on top of everything, that I realised that I was shaking and sobbing dry distress. Even for my soulmate, my one true love, I could not force my depression to subside, not in the slightest. I was only partly aware of Carlisle and Jasper conversing in low voices. Suddenly, the need burned inside me, worse than any thirst that I had ever felt. I needed to know the details, had to hear exactly what was happening to my beloved Edward.

"Jasper..." My voice was dry and the word came out constricted and choked. Somehow, he managed to decipher what I was saying and he placed a hand on my arm.

"The worst part of it...is that...Bella survived. Alice saw her jumping but it wasn't at all what she had thought. But Rose told Edward before we could correct everyone. So now, Edward's about to do...do that for nothing..." Jasper was unable to continue. Carlisle gazed into space, his mood clear in his expression. I cried out silently. No. It couldn't be worse. It just couldn't be. But it was. Not only was Edward going to die but now, he was going to die for nothing. There was no earthly reason for his death. I begged wordlessly to Jasper, yearning for information, to hear what my family were doing to save my Edward.

"Esme, Alice and Bella are on their way to Volterra now. They're going to try to help him." Jasper was trying to calm me but his words couldn't have had a more opposite effect. Alice, another of my babies was to visit Italy too? She was taking Bella along with her? That must mean that there was a little hope of saving my Edward. But a very miniscule hope. I fought with my composure as it threatened to slip. Carlisle's arm tightened around me.

"What chance do we have?" he asked Jasper, who knew exactly what he meant. Jasper looked down at his lap before lifting his head to meet Carlisle's eyes. Carlisle sighed, as if he was expecting the answer that Jasper gave us.

"I won't lie. It's not going to help us asked me to prepare you...she told me that the odds weren't good." I gasped and choked once more as my words stuck in my throat and I was restricted by my tearless hysteria. I deliberately avoided looking at Carlisle's face. The one person, who would be suffering more pain right now, apart from Bella and I, would be Carlisle. He and Edward had been together ever since 1918 and hardly separated since. The loss of his first son would destroy him, in more ways than any of the rest of us could ever understand. He'd been distraught enough during Edward's rebellious phase and even then, he knew, deep down, that Edward would return one day. Now, we were being told that there was a small chance that Edward would survive the next few hours. It was too awful to even think about but it had become my new reality.

I didn't want to imagine Edward in Volterra, standing in front of the cloaked Volturi guards, begging them to give him an escape from his pain, an escape from the torture of eternity. A twisted version of Romeo and Juliet swam into my mind and I tried to push it away. No success. The last line of the play floated maliciously into my thoughts and lingered there.

'For never was a story of more woe

Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.'

Would it really be a case of 'and we all lived unhappily ever after'? Edward and Bella could both end up losing their lives in the process. Alice could be killed or captured and held by the Volturi. Was it likely that Aro would hand out death so easily? Perhaps not. I pictured his cold expression, from the one time that I'd met him. Even on the day of mine and Carlisle's wedding, he had an air of malice about him. There was an unnatural chill that came with his presence and I didn't doubt for a second that even if he refused to destroy Edward, Caius would oblige, only too willingly. As for their guards...I shivered at the idea of my son facing them alone. I gasped again as I imagined Alice's desperate attempts to save her brother, as Bella, poor, fragile, delicate, lonely Bella, watched in horror as the Cullens failed to overcome the Volturi guards...

I snapped out of my thoughts quickly. There was no way that I wanted those ideas in my head; they would only torture me further. I grasped Carlisle's hand for support.

"What can we do?" I asked Jasper. "Anything. I'll do anything." I was pleading and part of me knew that it was beyond hopeless. I did not care. Anything to bring them back unharmed, all of them. Goodness knew what Charlie was thinking. Bella must have left without saying goodbye, without giving him a proper explanation. He would be unbelievably worried about her. Should I call? At the thought of having to make normal conversation with another living creature, I almost broke down. It would be too hard for me to speak aloud without breaking or losing my control completely.

"Esme, there's nothing we can do." Jasper answered, apologetically. "Emmett and Rose went to try and get him to see sense but I called them back. Edward won't listen to anyone now. Our only chance is for him to see Bella, with his own eyes. Alice is trying to get her there before it's too late."

"Too late?" I repeated, my voice shaking. Jasper sighed.

"Alice sent me a text and she's seen the future...up to a certain point. You see, Edward was going to go to the Volturi and ask for...well, what he wants. Alice has watched their decisions and they decided to refuse his offer." I would have jumped with joy but obviously something was still very wrong.

"And so he's decided to provoke them." Carlisle finished. He was guessing but as soon as he spoke, I realised that would be exactly what Edward would choose to do next. Jasper nodded, slightly surprised.

"How did you know?" he asked. Carlisle exhaled heavily, looking very unhappy.

"I know Edward," he replied. "As soon as you told us that he had heard about Bella, I immediately thought of Volterra. Of course, I pushed the thought to the back of my mind but I was curious to know how Edward had reacted." Carlisle sighed, his eyes sad and downcast. "I suddenly realised that Volterra would be Edward's exact choice. When he was a newborn, I explained to him just how hard it is to destroy one of our kind. I sensed that last summer, during the incident with James, that Volterra was on Edward's mind. It occurred to me that without Bella, he may not have had the will to carry on with life. Eternity is a long time to spend living in guilt and sorrow."

We were all lost in thought for a few moments after that.

"Did Alice happen to mention to you what her plans are should she...fail to succeed?" Carlisle's voice was pained as he spoke but I appreciated his courage at asking. None of us wanted to imagine the loss of Alice, least of all, Jasper.

"She promised that she'd do everything that she could to get herself and Bella away safely. But she warned me that it could be dangerous." Jasper paused as he winced very slightly. "I'm just trying not to think about that possibility." Carlisle nodded, his soft eyes swimming with sadness and heartache. I hated to see him that way but I couldn't even control myself, let alone muster up enough strength to console my husband. Just the fact that I was not alone was helping. Very, very slightly.

"So now, we...wait... to hear something?" I asked Jasper. It seemed an impossible task; I had never imagined that just sitting at home could be so challenging. Carlisle sensed my pain and I knew that he would feel the same, if not worse. I wrapped my arms around him and Jasper and pulled my family towards me. Holding all that I had, as close as I could. In my heart, I felt the gaps where my missing children should have been. One for my long-dead baby, one for Rosalie, one for Emmett, one for Bella, one for Alice, one for Edward. Until we were safe, I would not let Carlisle and Jasper go. Without my family, I was nothing. I had nothing truly precious to me, aside from them.

With each jolt in my heart, I missed my children. With each pang, I was petrified for them. I wept and worried and waited...

Waited...

Waited...

Waited...


	5. Confessions

Minutes, weeks, hours, years, seconds and days. All ways in which I could have measured the time that passed and all ways that allowed me to keep a total of the torture. Time was muddled like it had never been before. I was aware of course, that time for vampires was significantly different compared to time for humans. Humans were limited to, upon average, eighty years of life and within that time, they could hold a certain amount of security as to what could happen to them during the course of the average life. Illness was likely to occur at some time, perhaps they would form relationships, marriage maybe, parenthood, a career and hopefully, happiness, the discovery of some kind of purpose. All of these were possibilities in the average human life but not one thing was one hundred percent certain. There was only one event that humans could rely on happening in their lives and the only thing that they had yet to discover was when exactly it would take place. After twenty years or after ninety? All the time, they had one concrete assurance.

Death.

Mankind had that fixed point; at the end of a human life, there would come death. It was that was the reason why time passed in a contrasting way for them. Humans had only a specific slot of less than a century in which they could do everything that they wished, in which they could live. What they could do during their foreseeable lives was clear and marked. Anything after that, there was the unknown, no matter how strongly some humans believed otherwise. Nothing after death was certain and so they lived in a way which reflected their limited life-span. Time was split into sections, measured, watched, checked carefully, so that humans could ensure that they were not letting the sand timers run dry without having lived before the end. Some sand slid down faster; some grains were bigger and some were smaller. Lives were different, people made their own choices and they all had one thing in common- the guaranteed close, the final curtain.

Vampires did not live in that way. We still referred to years and months and weeks and days and time because we still lived in a world dictated by those very measurements. 'When in Rome' was a phrase that sprang to mind. My family in particular, kept track of time; it was an essential knowledge, in the world that we inhabited. Time made no difference to us, in the most part, due to one obstacle, one gate that we were not certain to reach. Death was avoidable for our kind. It was still there, hovering in the wings, waiting for us, sometimes even tempting us but it was not the certain outcome to all of our lives. The lives of vampires never had to end. They could but they did not have to. We were immortal, undead and destined to roam the universe for all eternity. Vampires did not refer to their lives as lives. We did not have that limited span of time in which to live. We called the time that we had spent alive an existence because that was a more accurate portrayal of what we were, how we had lived. A life, by definition, would usually have been thought of as something that would not last forever. My existence could last for eternity, with no foreseeable end and no definite end.

Due to this, time had passed my family by. At the same time that we were aware of its passing, weeks could go by and we'd hardly have noticed, without the calendar that I insisted should hang on the wall, Rosalie in agreement. A way to hang on to humanity, normality. It helped us to stay in role, to remain humane, if not human. As time was not limited for me, for us, it had never seemed to pass, slowly or quickly. It had not seemed to pass at all, mainly because we were not working towards nothing. There would always be something the next day. There would never be an end and so I never had the feeling that I had to do something, for myself at least. Most everyday tasks and accomplishments and would-be-goals could be completed tomorrow or in three hundred years. Unlimited life gave vampires a different attitude towards everything. Priorities lessened, because there was time enough in which to fit everything in. I still put my family first, my priorities as such were awarded to things that I wanted to do for others. But I had eternity to do what I needed to. Then, my desires and wants could take over. When my family praised my selflessness, my willing to help and take time to look after others, I had to correct them. For a human, what I did would be worthy of praise, of great reward. For me, for a vampire, it was the least that I could do. I had eternity on my hands and it was no hardship to put others first because once I had finished doing whatever I could for anyone else, I still had the remainder of eternity to exist as I wanted, to do things for myself. I felt that I did not sacrifice much in putting others before me, despite what everyone told me. I had time to do everything, to start with everyone and end with Esme. Time at its current pace, no faster, no slower.

Until now. As I waited to hear news, I wished, prayed, begged and longed for the speeding up of time. The feeling was alien to me but sank below my sadness. I needed desperately to know that my Edward was alive, was to return to his family but there was no guarantee that those needs would be acknowledged. I wanted time to go faster than ever before, even though I had no time to waste. Usually, knowing that my time could not be wasted, I would not have minded waiting for anything. Sitting in silence, for someone or something was not, months ago, an option that I would have objected to.

I realised why I felt so different. I would not have cared before because waiting was not something that hurt particularly. But now, as I wondered in pain and fright, if Edward would live to see me again, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts for any longer than necessary. I needed reassurance, to be told that everything would be alright. Waiting was far more agonising than ever because I was waiting for news that I might not have any desire to hear. Time had not hurt before and so I had never had such a yearning to speed it up. Now, I would do anything to shorten the period of time in which I would have to suffer the pain, in which my family would have to suffer the pain.

It was selfish of me to think only of myself. Carlisle would take bad news a million times more severely than I would. He was connected to Edward, they had shared so much together, most of which I had no knowledge of. Although Carlisle would never admit it to anyone, least of all, himself, Edward was his favourite of our 'adopted children'. He had sought a companion, a friend, someone who understood him and it was fate and destiny that led him to our first child. No one could have fulfilled Carlisle's wish more than Edward did. His ability to read his creator's mind meant that Carlisle would never be so alone again. Edward understood each of us, probably more than we understood ourselves and that was something that we loved about him. He stopped us from being alone, even in our minds. Sometimes a disadvantage, sometimes a huge asset to our family. Even if we couldn't express ourselves out loud, Edward would still hear and we would know that he was listening. That was all we needed, a lot of the time. I had talked to Edward privately, in my mind, shared with him my worries and thoughts and he didn't have to give a verbal answer. Just the knowledge that he had heard, that he had listened was enough. I had confided in him many times and I knew that Carlisle had done the same. Without our son and his gift, aside from everything else that we would miss about him, each member of our family would, for the first time in most of our vampire lives, be truly could share with each other, if we wished but everyone was so accustomed to Edward in their thoughts that we would feel lonely and empty without him to hear us.

A sharp intake of breath came from my right side. My eyes, which had been closed in desperation, snapped open and I saw Jasper, his head in his hands, defeated and despondent, for the first time ever. Jasper was strong, more capable of keeping himself calm in stressful situations than anyone, with the possible exception of Carlisle. What had he realised that had caused him to break down now?

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked him, softly, speaking carefully. We were both aware that Jasper was probably feeling the negative atmosphere much more deeply than the two of us, due to his heightened emotions. Jasper shook his head, shaking, refusing to make eye contact.

"Jasper, please." I begged him, stroking his arm comfortingly. "What is it?" I suddenly felt awful for having ignored him for the past hour or two. Our emotions were probably making his so much worse.

"Do you need us to calm down?" Carlisle offered, understanding. "If you have to go outside for a while, of course we'll understand." I nodded to show my support. Jasper shook his head again, words failing him. He choked and tried again.

"I...I'm so sorry, Carlisle, Esme...I..." Jasper shook with a thousand emotions, his voice restricted by his tearless distress. Carlisle moved carefully to sit the other side of him.

"Jasper, you don't have to apologise. You aren't responsible for this." Jasper swallowed and tried to regain his control.

"Carlisle, I am." Jasper disagreed, his voice shaking almost as much as his body. "If...I...it's all...fault..." Odd words were distinguishable beneath the pain but I couldn't understand.

"Jasper?" I spoke gently. "There's nothing you could have done to stop him." My own voice broke on the last sentence and when Carlisle gazed at me, his eyes were filled with as much agony as I imagined was present in my face.

"You don't understand," Jasper told us, gasping breath and gripping Tanya's sofa. I heard the material rip beneath his fingers but none of us paid any attention to it. "This is all my fault. Everything that happened." I clicked suddenly and my own self-absorption infuriated me. Why hadn't I seen it before? No wonder Jasper had been so affected by us for the past seven months. I let Jasper continue because nothing that I could say would make up for the neglect that I had shown my family by not understanding their problems, for being too wrapped up in my own.

"If I hadn't...lost control that night, Edward would never have left Bella. If it weren't for me, we would all still be in Forks, living normally, without all this. It's thanks to me that Bella suffered for all this time. And it's all...all my fault that Edward... went to Italy." Jasper paused to compose himself enough to continue. His words were coming to me with a strange realisation of what was happening and a fresh wave of fear. Jasper clearly noticed but did not have enough strength to calm himself, let alone me.

"Every time that I sense everyone's devastation, when I realise how much you and Carlisle are missing Edward, when I notice that even Rose wants her brother back, when Emmett radiates strange emotions that I've never caught from him before, the guilt kills me. I know what everyone is feeling, all the time. There's no escape. And I see that it's all my fault. Everything."

Jasper broke down again, shaking uncontrollably as Carlisle and I stared at each other, lost and dazed. Neither of us knew how to put our family back together.

"Jasper, you can't blame yourself," I told him. "Please don't feel guilty for something that you had no control over."

"If he...doesn't come home, I...I'll always f...feel that it's my fault." I moaned quietly and shook my head in unison with Carlisle.

"You can feel our misery and you know that no anger or resentment is directed at you. Jasper, you know that I would never blame you for what's happened." Jasper lifted his head to meet Carlisle's gaze. I saw that his eyes were wild with sorrow and guilt. All of our emotions were readable in his tortured expression.

"Carlisle, I don't want my brother to die." Jasper whispered. The tears were almost visible on his cheeks, despite their absence. When I pulled him into my arms, it felt as though I were protecting and looking after a child, not a creature with over half a century's life experience on top of mine. Jasper allowed himself to be comforted and when I felt the first waves of calm spreading over me, I knew that Jasper was giving his first calm emotions to Carlisle and I. When I turned to Carlisle however, he seemed even more stressed than he had done during Jasper's confessions. I looked at him, worried.

"What am I doing?" Carlisle whispered, so quietly that I could hardly hear him. I must have appeared confused because he continued. "I shouldn't be waiting for something to happen. I need to do something to help."

"Carlisle, there's nothing that we can do." I replied, regretting every word. Had I given up on my Edward? No. I knew that I was speaking the truth. There was nothing that Carlisle and I could say or do now. Except sit here and hope. Carlisle was not listening. He got up from the sofa and started moving about the room, pacing furiously. I had never seen him in such a state before and his reaction was petrifying me almost as much as what he was reacting to.

"I should go after him. I'll go to Volterra." Carlisle was talking quickly, almost to himself.

"You can't do that." I hated being so negative. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle. It won't work." I felt for a moment as though I could cry.

"Edward would listen to me...wouldn't he?" There was a distinct uncertainty in Carlisle's tone and it pained me to hear him sound so desperate. I exhaled slowly to keep my control and gazed at my husband, wishing that I could give him a different answer.

"I don't know. If he didn't, it would be even worse. Knowing that we tried and..." I couldn't bring myself to finish.

"I could telephone Aro?" Carlisle suggested frantically. This time, it was Jasper who answered him.

"You haven't spoken to him for a long time. This might not be the best moment for a catch-up."

"I would just warn him. I could even do it anonymously. He might decline Edward's request if another vampire was so against it." Jasper shook his head.

"I'm sorry but we can't contact the Volturi. It's far too dangerous. Alice told me not to let anyone else get involved."

"Carlisle," I spoke softly, reaching for his hand. "This is Edward's choice. We need to let him make his own decision once he sees Bella." Carlisle closed his eyes for a second and his expression filled with more pain and anguish. I winced.

"What can we do if Bella and Alice are...delayed?"

"We can hope for the best." I tried to sound positive but did not succeed. My voice was close to breaking point.

Carlisle stared around the room a few times, deep in thought, clearly looking for any way to save our son. When he could see no alternative to waiting at home for news, he sat down heavily. I took his hand and gazed at him, trying to communicate without speaking that I too, was longing to do something, anything to help my family bring my lost son home. Carlisle's already agonised eyes seemed to become even more pained and when he met my eyes, I could have described everything that he was feeling.

"I can't lose my son," Carlisle whispered, his voice unsteady. "I can't lose Edward now..."

And the strongest member of my family, the man who I had loved since I was able to feel such things, the one being who I had never seen lose control before, fell into such a state of despondency, distress and suffering that I could only watch in horror as Carlisle Cullen went to pieces before my eyes. His shaking, pain-ridden body would be burnt into my memories for eternity as I watched a father agonise over his son, a son who might never return home again. At Carlisle's emotions, I felt Jasper struggle against everyone's heartbreak. As the vampires either side of me succumbed to the grief, the torment overtook me. I fell to the soft carpet, my head bowed between my hands and I felt such torture wash over me that I didn't care whether I lived or died. At that moment, I would have gone to Volterra too. I was unaware of almost everything around me and I had never felt so helpless and useless in my life. It was awful enough knowing that my son could be dying somewhere but it was a billion times worse knowing that there wasn't a single thing that I could do.

The sound of a car brought me back to my senses slightly. Jasper was standing up and I heard voices outside. I returned to my position on the sofa and put my arms around Carlisle, my time to comfort him. Jasper's face twisted with more anguish as a key turned in the lock. I felt instantly ashamed for not having cared for him, knowing how he would feel everyone else's depression, along with his own. This would be what Hell felt like, I thought to myself. All the time in the world to agonise over your bad deeds and sins. Although I doubted if anything could ever feel as painful as what I was feeling then. My world had come crumbling down and I saw that my family couldn't survive in pieces, we needed to be whole. Strength in numbers.

Jasper's face contorted with misery again and I wanted to cry for him, for Edward, for everyone.

"Jasper, what is it?" I asked him, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer. He turned his head towards me.

"Rose's guilt." Jasper replied.

Emmett and Rosalie stepped into the lounge and I froze in position when I saw Rosalie's face. Tortured did not even begin to describe her expression. Taking a deep breath, she walked slowly towards me. Carlisle recovered his composure very slightly and we both looked at her.

"Esme, Carlisle, I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am." Rosalie whispered, her head bowed, her hair windswept and tangled. "I will never forgive myself for this..."

For once, everyone in the room was speechless. Even Emmett was silent, his expression sombre. Would my family ever be able to recover if we lost people whom we loved?


	6. Missing in Action, Presumed Dead

I was grateful that we didn't need to breathe because I doubted that any one of us would have been able to. The room was silent. No one dared to say a word, for fear of causing anyone else additional pain and worry.

Our 'vegetarian' existence, our strange lifestyle, our refusal to conform couldn't last forever. The family had lived in its own little bubble for so many decades, filtering out the reality of what we were, banishing our natural instincts and forcing ourselves to be anything other than ourselves. Was that wrong? I didn't believe so. Allowing our natural beings to take over would have been at the expense of so many innocent people. Nothing could condone the suffering that we would put others through, if we had a choice to do otherwise. Humans, in my eyes, in the eyes of my family, were not below us. They were not lesser beings that deserved the fate that we could bestow upon them. It was not up to vampires to choose the destiny of humans. By refraining from killing these humans, we saved people, we preserved lives that might otherwise have been lost. Had it been any other man but Carlisle upon that fateful night, centuries ago, he would undoubtedly have followed the 'natural' path for vampires. In doing so, how many others would have died? How many would the tally have reached if every member of our family hunted humans, killed and murdered?

I would love to think that I would have been conscientious enough to see the wrong in what I was expected to do as a vampire but I couldn't definitely say that I would have spurned a vampiric existence if Carlisle had not been there to explain the way that his family lived. Hopefully I might have retained some kind of humanity and felt pity for those whom I was supposed to slaughter but without Carlisle, perhaps I would have followed the vampire cliché. It was Carlisle who had helped us all to become something other than the norm, to lead a life away from murder and death and bloodlust. None of us were able to succeed so well as he but we had managed, despite the odds, to turn our lives around, even when they seemed to be set on a specific path.

But now, our bubble had burst. Reality had come seeping in through the cracks, threatening to wipe out our way of life. The Volturi were one group of vampires that I had never wanted anything to do with. As the saying goes, 'absolute power corrupts absolutely' and the Volturi were a living (and unfortunately, immortal) example of that. They had been growing more and more suspicious of Carlisle and our family over the decades, as more vampires joined him. I wasn't sure whether Aro knew of Jasper, Alice and Edward's talents but he was sure to find out about us very soon. Aro had the ability to read minds, to read every thought that one mind had ever held. Edward's mind was likely to be a mine of information, one that, regrettably, would be completely open to Aro. I knew how Edward would hate that. I also knew how dangerous it would be. Aro detested the thought of our growing family, with powers to rival those within the Volturi. He would try to persuade Edward to join him, I was sure of that. The more that Aro found out about our family, the more dangerous it was for us and the more vulnerable we would be to the powerful forces of the Volturi.

"Aren't we going to do anything?" Emmett cut through the silence. Four heads snapped up to look at him. "We're just going to sit here and let Italy destroy us?" Jasper sighed.

"Em, you know what Alice said. She saw you and Rose in Volterra, trying to pull Edward back. They'll just take you down after him. You can't fight off the entire guard single-handedly. It's not an option."

"Well, sure I can't do it alone," he argued. "But there are five of us here." Emmett looked pointedly around the snarled.

"Emmett, stop it." Jasper growled. "We're not going to put the entire family in danger. We've got enough problems already."

"I thought you were supposed to be the military one?" Emmett scowled. "Can't you think of anything?"

"Emmett, shut up," Rose whimpered. "Don't you think that if there was anything that could be done, I'd be doing it right now?"

"We need to wait for a phone call from Alice," Carlisle intervened. "She promised that she'd contact us as soon as she knows what's happening."

"Why don't you go hunting?" I suggested to them. "Just try to take your mind off it?" I doubted that there was anything that could distract us but I had to try to stay strong for everyone else. Even if Alice didn't come back...

"Esme, even if there was a bleeding human dancing in front of me, it wouldn't take my mind off everything," Rosalie snapped. "Surely Alice knows what's going to happen by now?"

"Man, we could really use a mind reader right now," Emmett sighed.

It was beginning to get dark outside and I guessed that in Italy, it would still be very early morning. We had no way of knowing what was happening. Had Alice and Bella arrived? Had Alice seen what would happen to Edward? If they were too late...would Alice and Bella be able to get out? If I knew Alice, she would do all that she could to try to get Bella out. Perhaps Bella would be left to be the messenger, to tell us what had happened, to explain everything. The fear rose up inside me again. What would I do if my family didn't come home? I had to prepare myself for the fact that I may never see them again. Jasper had told me that their chances of saving Edward were not very high. I winced slightly at that thought.

"I'm going to call Alice," Emmett suddenly announced. "I need to know what's going on." Jasper jumped up and stood between Emmett and the door.

"Don't, Emmett." Jasper told him. "You can't distract them." Emmett growled loudly.

"I can't just sit here not knowing!" Emmett shouted at Jasper. "Don't try to pretend that you're not worried about Alice!" Rosalie seemed to wake from her distant trance for a second to pull on Emmett's sleeve.

"Emmett, please..." she was pleading with him. Her features were twisted with fear, anguish and emotions that I'd never seen on her before. "Emmett..." Rosalie begged once more. Suddenly, I understood. She was petrified of the truth. Rosalie was so afraid of Alice's phone call. She didn't want to find out what she was responsible for; she knew that she'd made a mistake but nobody knew just how serious the consequences would be.

"Emmett, please sit down," I whispered, realising that I, too, was scared of that phone call. I so desperately wanted to know that my family was safe. But did I want to hear any other news? Would we hear any other news? Would Alice have time to contact us if everything went wrong? Emmett sat down heavily next to Rosalie and put his arm around her shoulders. She buried her face in his neck.

Jasper's phone gave one loud beep and then the room was silent. Everyone turned their heads to his mobile on the coffee table. Slowly, Jasper leaned over and picked it up, his finger hovering over the keypad nervously. Rosalie was shaking in Emmett's arms, her face whiter than I had ever seen it. Every second that we waited was the worst kind of torture. I turned my attention to Jasper's face as he tentatively opened the message.

I didn't want to expect the worst.

But what was the worst possible outcome that we could be faced with?

I clutched Carlisle's hand with all my strength as Jasper looked up at his family...


	7. Unmade in Italy

"Jasper, please," Carlisle finally broke the silence. Jasper took a deep breath.

"It's alright." Jasper passed the phone to Carlisle so that he could read the message. The atmosphere seemed to become more at ease although that may have been Jasper's talents effecting us. Either way, I did feel a little better. Just a little.

_'We've arrived. I sent Bella off first. We're cutting it pretty fine but I can see her getting there in time now. I had a vision of Edward walking into the sun underneath the palazzo dei priori. The Volturi refused his request so he decided to take matters into his own hands. Typical melodramatic style, as usual. I'm parked and I need to wait until Edward sees Bella before I can intervene. I thought that I'd better update you while I'm waiting. Love to Carlisle and Esme. We're doing everything that we can. Jasper, I swear that I will do my best to get us ALL out of this. I love you. Alice.' _

I read the text and felt very grateful that Alice could type at vampire speed. Luckily, she had been able to find a few seconds in which to contact us. My worries were decreased slightly by her message. Still, there were so many things that could go wrong...but I wasn't going to allow myself to think of those.

"Thank God..." Rosalie half-sobbed, as Emmett held the phone up in front of them. Carlisle closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the sofa. I knew that he was praying.

"So he's revealing his true vampire colours to the humans then, huh?" Emmett confirmed. "I'm a bit confused, won't the Volturi take him down as soon as he starts glowing?" Jasper shrugged.

"We're hoping that Bella will get there first." Rosalie nodded, keeping that thought of success in her mind. I was doing the same thing. Emmett, minus his usual optimism, made a face.

"Bella trying to find the palazzo thing, racing against the clock and the Volturi? I reckon she'll be tripping over quite a bit there..." Emmett did not sound very reassured. Jasper growled very quietly.

"Emmett, could you try to stay positive? Bella's on her way to him. They're doing everything that they can."

"But it won't be enough!" he burst out. "I'll see you all later."

Emmett jumped up from the sofa and sprang right out of the lounge window. We all watched as he raced into the neighbouring forest. Carlisle looked around at us.

"Emmett's got the right idea. We can't sit here worrying all night. We should do something to occupy our minds." Jasper exhaled, a look of incredulity in his eyes. I, too, felt that there was no way in which I could distract myself.

"Can we watch a movie?" Rosalie asked softly. She looked even more lost without Emmett sitting beside.

"Emmett had to go out for a while," Jasper explained, clearly sensing her sadness at his departure.

"I know," she replied, not meeting anyone's eyes. "I think a movie would help me." I wasn't particularly interested in watching television but I thought that perhaps it would help Rose.

"That's fine," I answered her, speaking for the first time since Alice's news had been received. That fact had definitely not gone unnoticed by Carlisle. He glanced over at me, concern in his face.

"Thanks." Rose got up and began to rummage around in Tanya's huge, glass DVD case on the wall. She pulled out a case.

"I knew they'd have this," Rosalie half-smiled.

"What is it?" Jasper asked. "Not some chic-flic, please Rose..." Rosalie slotted the disc into the player.

"Titanic." Jasper groaned.

"Rosalie! That's the most depressing movie of all time!" She glared at him and sat beside me on the sofa.

"I know. I love depressing movies. Especially when I'm depressed myself." Jasper opened his mouth but she cut in over him.

"Look, Jas, I'm not going to forget what's going on at the moment, no matter how hard I try. So I may as well be sad for a different reason if I'm going to sit here moping all night anyway."

After that, no one dared to argue with her. The guilt was going to last Rosalie a long time, I could see that. When we'd sorted this mess, I'd have to talk to her about it and ensure that she wasn't torturing herself over one silly mistake. I didn't want my family to suffer anymore.

As the film began, I felt my focuss drifting. Somewhere in Italy, our lives were being set out. What happened today would dictate the next few centuries for my family.

_**Yes, it's short. I'm sorry! I have been VERY busy and I wanted to resolve the cliffhanger for my amazing reviwers. I don't blame you guys for getting impatient- I would be! Sorry for making you wait! I know how annoying it is and all my thanks for sticking with the story. **_

_**So here is another little demi-chapter and I promise, the next one will be longer! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. You are all my stars! Virtual cookies for everyone who clicks the little review button down there...**_

_**And I'll give a special shoutout to the fiftieth reviewer next chapter. Speaking of shoutouts, Robin.D and sprinkledwithtwilight, you guys have read all my fics and are among the first to review every new chapter! Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much your support means to me!!!! **_

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_**El Leon Y La Oveja xxx**_


	8. Epilogue

Author's Note: It's been ages since I updated and as this has been on hiatus for a while, I've decided not to continue it all the way to the end. This is the epilogue of Esme's Worst Nightmare that I wrote years ago, when I first started the story. This was actually the first part I wrote and instead of never finishing this fic, I'm just going to leave out the section in Italy and post the epilogue. I'm sorry for discontinuing this fic and although it makes me sad to leave it behind, I know I won't ever be able to give it the attention and time that I have with the posted chapters. I thought about taking this down but there are people who have reviewed and enjoyed it, so I'm going to leave it here in an unfinished form.

Here is the epilogue anyway and thank you for reading. Hopefully this way, you can see the ending that Esme and her family got, just without the middle section of the story. Sorry!

El Leon Y La Oveja :) xx

/

I reached for Edward as soon as he was close enough, overjoyed to see him again, so relieved that he was unharmed, that it was finally over. I didn't care that he wasn't letting go of Bella, I didn't think about anything else. My Edward was home. He was safe. That was all that mattered.

The second that he was in my arms, the worry disappeared and in its place, the motherly fury reared. I was so angry at him for causing me so much stress, for almost losing three of our family members in one go. I fought against the impulse to shout at him and contented myself with the fact that he was alive, he was here with us. Nothing would ever part me from Edward again. He could not be allowed to resort to such measures.

"You will never put me through that again." I told Edward forcefully as I kept him in my tight embrace.

"Sorry Mom," Edward replied, smiling guiltily at me.

And unheard by everyone else, he whispered in my ear. "Never. I promise you."

At that, I knew that he understood that I hadn't just been talking about Volterra. I'd been referring to the past seven months of agony and crippling fear. Now that was behind us, I could forgive him easily. He had come back home. My son. My Edward.

I looked around ecstatically at all the faces of my children and as I saw them all, linked with their soulmates, set for eternity, I could not stop the smile of exultation that broke over my face. No mother could ever be as proud as I was in that moment, gazing upon my reunited family, with Carlisle's hand tight in my own.


End file.
